I’m sure no female is stranger to the phrase, “Stop frontin’ ma” or some variation. Hearing this phrase always leaves me wondering to myself, “What the hell does that even mean?!” So MMH took to some it’s most trusted male contributors and found out two things:
- “Fronting” isn’t something guys just say to bait women
- Women do it more often than not
Powered with this knowledge, we decided to define the problem, layout its warning signs, and dish out some necessary advice to all the “fronters” out there. So ladies, grab your girlfriends and take notes – this may just improve your quality of life.
So what exactly is this “fronting” business? Most females interpret it to mean anything from her refusal to have sex with a guy to not giving him her phone number. Yes, there are those handful of simpletons who do use that term as a way to deal with rejection, however, in most instances, that is not the case.
Fronting [fruhnt – ing]: acting in manner that does not accurately depict your true feelings and emotions.
Translation: it’s a facade; when you pretend to be (or want) something that isn’t in your nature. We asked some of our guys for the “fronter” encounters and this had to be (by far) the funniest and the worst anecdote we received:
The girl in question invited herself over to his place. Although it can be assumed she just wanted to hang out for the night, once the clothes came off both parties knew what time it was. Despite both of them being in their birthday suits, c. 2 hours lapsed and no intercourse had taken place. After coaxing her and attempting multiple positions to appease her comfort (it is now 4 hours later), he sent her home & finished the job that she was to “shy” to complete.
Now let out all your giggles, because it is a funny story (especially hearing it in its entirety) BUT it is something that happens all too often. We asked a few guys what other types of behavior qualify as “fronting” and these were some of the answers we received:
- giving that look like you want dude to come over and talk; but once he comes over, you’re acting up
- feeling dude all crazy, giving him your phone number, then not answering the phone call
- knowing you want “it” to go down and then when the time comes, acting like you don’t
Basically most guys suffered the same fate so we began to wonder, why do females do this? Is it a defense mechanism? Are they genuinely shy and/or nervous? Do you they enjoy this tantalizing tango? One feasible reason offered:
on some level guys “front” just as much too. How? Why? It’s a rare breed of guy that really just tells a girl all he wants is “the business” … instead the typical guy will spit his G, potentially leading her on, and that MAY be why (not validating or justifying, just shedding a new light) she “fronts” – if she thinks this is progressing to something serious, she may just tighten her chastity belt to see where it goes before dropping the draws. I’m just saying…
But before pointing the finger at the guys (we will be posting a separate & equally insightful article on the fronting behavior of men), ladies have to own up to the role they play in the fronting pendulum. There is NO reason for any female to ever take it there then back pedal and decide to adopt the persona of “holier-than-thou” or some other adaptation. So here are some warning signs that you might just be “fronting” with the next guy you come across:
- Using The Hoe Card: withholding sex does not make you any less of a hoe; and on the flip side of things, having an active sexual life doesn’t automatically make you a hoe. There is a very fine line – that line being the reasons behind the panties dropping. Women can have an equally (or surpassed) high libido as men so if you enter the situation with the mindset that “he can get it” then he should get it – whip out your “hoe card” (it’s like Visa: accepted everywhere) and give him the business. Once done, pack up the pussy and return to your regularly scheduled programming. This one night/day stand may remain just that – one time – or may evolve into a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly arrangement.
It’s not post-panty-dropping, that you should then decide that “you’re such an effin lady” – especially since lady is not synonymous with celibate. Buyer’s remorse is fine and well; and as the sole proprietor of your body, you are entitled to do with it what you please BUT do not act shocked and chagrined when the young man you whipped out your hoe card on now has blue balls and is telling his friends that you’re a fronter.
In case you’re unsure, the hoe card is what you charge your “hoe” esque behavior to (ie. one night stands, threesomes, being a mistress, cheating). The hoe card knows no age, but it can certainly be revoked.
- Tag! You’re It: unless it’s with a bill collector, there is no reason why two seemingly sound adults should be playing phone tag – he calls you, you watch it ring; he calls you again, you send it to voice mail; he leaves a message, you play it for your friends. Then the phone calls stop. Now you feel a way. So what was the point? Why give a man your number if you have no actual intent on answering his calls? If you know that in your heart of hearts, you will not and cannot conduct a conversation with him; and there is no chance of you sleeping with him, let alone pursuing a relationship with him, why bother with the formalities? Why not make your intentions clear (men, the same applies to you, but that’s for a later conversation) from the initial conversation?
Assuming the circumstances under which he acquired your number were decent ones (ie. after a nice conversation, etc) then he may just lose your number and move on; BUT God forbid he got your number after buying you four drinks at the club, while you 2 were grinding each other on the side of the dance floor, there’s a good chance he may just pass the number off to some other poor schmuck, with the hood disclaimer, “She be fronting but buy her something and you might smash.”
- The 7 Days 7 Nights Celebrity: You all know who she is – you saw her Monday at Pink Elephant, Tuesday at Greenhouse, Wednesday at Star Lounge, Thursday at Mansion, Friday at Imperial, Saturday at BB Kings, and Sunday at church. Keep in mind – she’s not a promoter, photographer, bartender, go-go dancer etc. So why is it this female parties almost everyday of the week ending in y, dances and grinds with anyone who’ll buy her a drink, will accept a free ride home, and then wraps the night saying, “I’m not that kind of girl.”
Take the time to wipe the blank stares off your faces & ask yourself, “Self, what kind of girl is she?” Answer: she’s a fronter. In a perfect utopia, we can say that dancing and grinding and flirting and so on and so forth with someone sends the message “I want to be your friend.” Reality is, this isn’t that kind of world; when you’re in your freakum dress, the only message being sent is one alluding to sex. If you know that those are NOT your intentions, find a way to make that clear out the gate:
1. not bending over to pose for every picture.
2. bringing your own money to buy your own drink and take your own cab.
3. wearing clothes that actually cover your pleasure box.
Heck, lie if you have to, but don’t ever give a man the impression that he’s going to fly into your pleasure island, then hand him an economy flight ticket to nowhere.
These aren’t the only cases of fronting, however, they are the most common. So many females have dual personalities – they want to be a freak in the streets and a lady in the sheets (if it even goes that far) instead of vice versa. Relationships would have a high success rate if people were simply more upfront with their intentions from the very beginning, and both sexes are guilty having hidden agendas; however females tend to be more on the receiving end of the fronter label for the aforementioned reasons. Why?! Because many females feel that they have to adopt a personality that typically isn’t their own to attract a man, and then later down the road revert to their true selves. This “bait and switch” typically leads to “ma, why you frontin’?” or “you keep frontin’ on me!” So how can this be avoided?
- State your intentions right out the gate. There are instances when a female may only want a man for sex; and in other cases she may want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. In either situation, state that early on to avoid any confusion down the road – hours, days, weeks, whatever. Try this: next man you find yourself attracted to, walk up to him and say, “I noticed you around. I find you very attractive. Um, would you go to bed with me?” See if that doesn’t improve your quality of life (I kid, I kid, but please let us know how it goes if you do try this). However, if you aren’t that risquu00e9, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting a potential partner know that you are looking for something committed and longterm and you don’t mean a room at Bellevue.
All too often females stifle their true intentions for fear of scaring a man away. Chances are if you scare him away then he just wasn’t the right catch to begin with. Be upfront and to the point – time can’t be wasted on guessing games and such.
- Say what you mean and mean what you say. Again there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind especially regarding your body; but if you followed the first step, then there should be no reason to renege or back pedal later on. As an adult, you already know what you want, what you’re willing to do, what your limits are, so on and so forth. So when you say that you’re about something, you better be able to back it up. Don’t make promises of grandeur when all you can bring to the table are your frontin ways.
Ladies, this also means leaving the mind games at the door. Matter of fact, leave them in the car, parking lot, friends house, storage facility, anywhere but IN the actual “relationship” because it will not end well.
- Always expect the unexpected. If you’re a wall flower or hermit of some kind then you may not have too much to worry about BUT if you’re a female who engages in random, wanton behavior then know that there’s a slight chance your reputation may precede you. Do not get caught at the light and not have an answer for when he requests you “do that thing with your big toe” or whatever else. Now, I am not condoning the customer surveys of your promiscuity but men talk just (if not more) as much as women; and this tends to contribute to men making the silly assumption that what the first man got, he’ll get too.
Wall flowers: don’t think you’re completely off the hook – your reputation may precede you as well, so do not (unless he truly brings it out of you) allude to being the next big thing in adult films if your still a novice in the bedroom/living room/park/car/etc. Again, men can be quite the chatterbox and in a city like New York City, six degrees of separation are more like 1.5 (and I’m being generous with that extra 0.5). Bottom line is you never know who knows who and what they’ve been saying about you.
So let’s recap:
- Fronting is bad. You’re doing yourself and the recipient an injustice by not being true to who you are and what you want.
- Most females front to avoid future disappointment; but there are those few who are just too immature to engage in any adult behavior. Either way, avoid the games and be open and honest early on.
- There’s nothing wrong with a one night stand as long as both parties are consenting adults. There’s also nothing wrong with saying you want more (see the previous bullet).
- Men can front too (stay tuned for our talk to the fellas).
Read about how men front too here and be sure to comment.