It’s not too often a woman will tell a guy she’s pursuing “Stop frontin’ on me!” although the reverse happens quite often. In case you didn’t know (whether you’re male or female) – men can front too and MMH decided that analyzing the fronting behavior of females was only addressing half the problem. So in our zeal to learn more we learned:
- Frontin’ isn’t something that’s exclusive to women
- Men do it way more discretely but just as often
So let’s not waste time; we’re going to jump right into it – How do men front?
Reminder: fronting [fruhnt – ing]: acting in manner that does not accurately depict your true feelings and emotions.
How is it possible for a man to “front” when all he has to do is be up front about his intentions? *DING* There lies the problem – being up front about their intentions is typically where men find themselves fronting:
- telling a female he loves her or that he wants a relationship, just to have sex
- telling his friends that she’s “nobody” or “just a friend” even though she may be more
- withholding emotion and affection when in public
In essence, men front about everything a female will front about, however their motives are usually different – men are usually looking for a way into bed and women are usually looking for a way out. As mentioned in the female version of this piece:
It’s a rare breed of guy that really just tells a girl all he wants is “the business” … the typical guy will spit his G, potentially leading her on…
How can this be prevented? Well it can’t (or it wouldn’t be a rare breed). But we can offer a few helpful hints on how to spot and the subsequent steps to take when (ladies) you’ve been fronted on or (fellas) when you’ve been caught fronting:
- The Late Bloomer: It’s expected for most men to lose their virginity during their early teens (c. 13 to 16 years old) so when a guy uses it later on (c. 18 to 21 years old) they tend to feel the urge to play “catch up” as though those lost years of virginity somehow makes them less of a man. In an effort to up their numbers (presumably to catch up to those who lost their virginity at 13 years old) they go through countless numbers of females with their hearts on the back burner. They conjure up lie after to lie to ensure that they get what they want – a quick lay:
- If you love me, you’d sleep with me
- We can take our relationship to the next level
- I’m yours forever, girl
- There’s no one else for me but you
Sound familiar? These are just a few of the lines that the “late bloomer” will use to guarantee that his next conquest is a success. However what guys fail to realize is that they aren’t the only ones interested in sex – a woman’s libido is equally as high and who knows, she may want to get her numbers up too. Every female has a “hoe card” that’s she’s usually itching to use. Skip the act, let her know you’re not looking for a relationship, and see how far that gets you. Because otherwise, the lies may open up a whole other can of worms (i.e. she falls in love, becomes obsessive, you have to change your phone number, etc) that you’d rather not deal with.
- That Ain’t My Girl: There’s nothing more embarrassing for a female than having the guy she was just hand in hand with, turn the corner and drop her hand as soon as he spots his friends. Now she’s being introduced as “my homegirl” and has no idea what just happened.
What happened is that he doesn’t want his friends to know that he’s in a monogamous relationship versus whoring around and sowing his wild oats. It’s easier for him to “front” and disown his girlfriend then to admit to having one in the first place, for fear of appearing sensitive and/or soft.
Here’s the problem with that: you’re living a dual life. You have to always watch over your shoulder for fear of who may see your PDA (public display of affection). You can never be as open and honest with her as you need to be; but you can’t even be yourself with your own “friends” (that’s a word that gets used through loosely). So do you suppress your emotions to be “down” with the boys or do you get the cohonas necessary to be your own man.
- Balla Shot Calla: You know the type; he’s actually the male counterpart to the “7 Days 7 Nights Celebrity” – partying 8 nights a week, wearing his Sunday through Saturday best, and “popping bottles” like they’re going out of style. He’s probably the worst kind of “fronter” because his entire lifestyle is a facade – not just when it comes to females.
He’s the guy that purchased a pair of Evisu jeans on layaway or borrowed money from a friend to finance a lavish trip. He’s the one that looks very “Fifth Avenue” while riding the B46/Q5/M101/Bx19 through the hood. His phone is pre-paid, his earrings are cubics, his credit card is a rush card, and his metro is pay-per-ride. Yet because his facebook/myspace albums are garnished with images of him in Gucci/Fendi/Coach/Fill-In-Your-Fav-Hood-Rich-Brand while holding Ciroc/Hypnotiq/Patron/Fill-In-Your-Fav-Hood-Rich-Brand, females are tripping over themselves to get to know him better. And guess what – he will capitalize on their vulnerability.
The downside is that maintaining this lifestyle is borderline impossible on a retail paycheck. At some point living beyond your means tends to catch up to just about anyone. Because not only can he not afford his own bad habits, he definitely cannot afford those of the females he seduces (assuming of course they aren’t supporting him) without poaching funds from someone else.
Once again, these aren’t the only cases of fronting, however, they are the most common. Just like females, men have dual personalities – they want to be the “big man on campus” running the streets and getting it on with no consequence BUT they also want to be the kind, sincere, prince charming that every female wants. There is a very fine line at balancing these two aspects of any personality, assuming, however, you know who you are – you either are that “nice guy” that sometimes finds himself tethering over the friend zone or you’re that player that mothers warn their daughters about. Once you know who you are, you play your part and act accordingly.
- Make Your Intentions Clear. Not rocket science. It’s actually pretty black and white – women aren’t these fragile, porcelain dolls, contrary to popular belief. They’re flesh and blood human beings with hormones surging through them as well; and quiet as it’s kept, women actually think about sex almost just as much as men – men are just more impulsive. But, just like we told the females, try this: Say what you mean and mean what you say.
No female wants to hear upon the first meeting, “bend over” – there are certain rules of etiquette that should be adhered to BUT in that same spirit, that does not mean to completely fabricate a reason to get in her pants. Don’t be too coy to let a female know that you aren’t looking for a serious relationship. That way from the very beginning, she knows what she is (or isn’t) getting herself into. It’s no big secret that women out number men, so is it really such a loss if one out of the millions of women out there isn’t down for a 1 night stand? The time spent woo’ing and coo’ing over that one female (at the very least, 2 weeks) is time that can be better invested into 2, 3 other females. Don’t those numbers sound a lot better.
There was once this guy, who we’ll call Tito, who spent months (yes, months!) pursuing this one female – not the cutest prospect but definitely had a butt to compensate. Granted after c. 5 months he was able to bed her but the question then becomes was it worth the charade? Dates and conversation that could’ve been better spent on someone he actually liked.
Moral of the Story: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed and a lying tongue will more than likely get the wrong meal. If you didn’t sign up for a relationship or even a friendship, don’t be afraid to say so. Now half a year later, you’re saudy because you passed up on ample opportunities to be with countless chicks because you were too scared to tell Ms. FuFu what was what. Don’t be surprised when she starts picking out his and her monogram towels.
- Be Your Own Man. This is something that has always confused me – a group of single men discouraging each other from settling down – are you keeping him for yourself? I don’t understand, personally, but I am one person. There is nothing wrong with spreading your wings, and living a life outside of your friends – and as friends they should support your relationship, unless it’s detrimental to your well-being in some valid way. And any man that uses more than 10% of his brain should realize that his friend being off the market, leaves more prospective females for him to pursue.
Shame on the man who works harder to impress his friends than his girl; who puts time and effort into maintaining appearances for the sake of impressing another man, when he has what may be a great girl by his side.
- Live Within Your Own Means.We cannot stress this enough – you should not have a high end lifestyle with a low end budget. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with basic brands such as H & M, Levi’s, Gap, and whatever else Macy’s carries. But insisting on wearing everything Italian, all the while barely making the payments on their cell phone on time, is not exactly the brightest idea. There is no reason for your clothing to be on lay-away (FYI – installments should be reserved for major purchases such as vehicles, homes, furniture, schooling, etc. not polo shirts and footwear) or for you to beg/borrow/steal just to make ends meet on your rent, when the inside of your apartment is like something off an MTV Cribs episode.
Instead of spending money on things that will be out of season by the time you finish making payments on it. Save your coppers and get your money together for a nice car (just because mommy and daddy loan you the family minivan, it doesn’t mean you can now transform it into your hoe mobile). Open a savings account at your local bank so that in the long run you’ll have money for a rainy day (or maybe just a sunny vacay in the Bahamas). Bottom line, instead of being so quick to throw money away and being consumed with the here and now, spend your time and efforts chasing long term prosperity (women love that).
So let’s recap:
- Fronting is bad. You’re doing yourself and the recipient an injustice by not being true to who you are and what you want.
- Most males front as a shortcut to a woman’s bedroom or as a way to mask any other shortcomings he may have – be it a low paying job or a small *ahem* ego. Avoid the games and be open and honest early on.
- There’s nothing wrong with a one night stand as long as both parties are consenting adults. There’s also nothing wrong with saying that you aren’t looking for a relationship (see the previous bullet).
- Fronting is not synonymous with relationships. You can front via your lifestyle if you are portraying yourself as something you are not. What happens in the dark always comes out in the light; so if you’re broke, be broke and work harder to get more. But the “balla” act, will get old, and you will get left behind.